we got a couple of stuff like some hair bows and some cute shoes after walking around the whole mall we got so exhausted so we went and sat down for a little when we just sat down we realised that we where out the front of nickscali so went and had lie down after that we felt better but the only problem was that we where starving so we went and got a salad and we wanted something sweet so we got popping candy but it made my tongue tingle
the other day i went shopping with my friends .
we got a couple of stuff like some hair bows and some cute shoes after walking around the whole mall we got so exhausted so we went and sat down for a little when we just sat down we realised that we where out the front of nickscali so went and had lie down after that we felt better but the only problem was that we where starving so we went and got a salad and we wanted something sweet so we got popping candy but it made my tongue tingle
6 Comments
Darcy.F
6/4/2015 05:52:14 pm
Your story is so realistic and the bit about the food was really good I think your story was one of the best that I've read so far!
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Jack
6/4/2015 07:59:18 pm
Your story was really realistic and cool! Just remember to put in punctuation next time.
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Zola
6/4/2015 08:07:53 pm
It was really realistic and i think that actually happened but you forgot puntuation
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6/7/2015 02:51:45 am
Well done. You have described a detailed visit to the shops and I can imagine the scene quite clearly. It does need some full stops to separate the ideas. Also you don't usually say that you got a 'couple of stuff': you could have put 'a couple of things' or 'some stuff'.
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sophia.foster
6/9/2015 06:56:46 pm
I really like your story! It is realistic and funny. Remember to use punctuation. keep up the amazing work!!!
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Genevieve
6/10/2015 04:29:13 pm
That was a funny story Mali good job👍🏻
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